Introducing the JADE Kitten™

In the last decade, the legal research team has grown at JADE. We’ve been putting the finishing touches on our new legal research range finder. As our astute readers know, we only use quality analogue computing devices in our legal machine learning research. This helps us to understand computational complexity in a way that digital systems often miss.

The down-side is that the ML team has needed to learn the finer points about welding, sanding, and molten solder.

Our latest project is the JADE Kitten™ — a light-weight K-means Intelligent Topographic Tensor Enhanced Network (KITTEN). The Kitten’s code name is Voronoi.

In early tests, we have been able to classify an entire set of legal decisions from 2000-2019 into n-dimensional space to produce an entirely useless hyperplane with no discernment. Undeterred, we still hope to extract meaning and context with some additional welding and larger pipes.

Back in the JADE control centre, Mr Martique Thyme, records important measurements in his BarNet JADE adapted Moleskine Laboratory Books issued to all of the team.

The wires in the box are part of a design competition to model chaos. As a practical joke, one of the team wheeled Martique’s reference desk closer to the chaos machine. Martique will be working during 2020 on a complexity reduction analysis project.

The next photo shows the hydraulic brains of the research kitten. The shear computational force of the central piston ensures that Tensors are tensed and edges aligned. Drs Marigold Suters and Rosamund Ratcliffe have briefly moved out of the photo due to the intense vibrations generated with every edge alignment.

One of our few visualisation systems is the oceanic spline. Here is a detail from the conjunction of text, context, and purpose.

Until next time, see you at the JADE Network.